I never try to torture sales people. I really don't. But I have upset a lot of them. Its just part of the life of being an entertainer. First of all, it may take several months to see me. If you have something to offer me that I am interested in, I will make an appointment to see you. But .... if a customer call me and wants me for the same time, the customer is going to get priority. Everytime. And I am always upfront with sales people when they make an appointment One salesman was particularly offended when I postponed our appointment for the fifteenth time. He asked what did he have to do to see me. I told him he could hire me to make balloons for about an hour and I would meet him anytime and anyplace. He didn't go for it. One health insurance salesman waited six months to see me. He persevered and I became a customer. Kudos to him.
When I do finally keep an appointment, it is not much better for the salesperson. My mind wanders. I have made balloon caricatures of three out of the last four salespeople that called on me. I have demonstrated magic tricks to about half of them over the years. All of them get MY business card. All of them I wind up trying to sell my services to them. My wife did a birthday party for a Gutter Guardian salesman's daughter a week ago.
My favorite encounter with a salesperson occured several years ago. We had been in our home less than two years and a Kirby salesman did a demonstration at our home. I like the Kirby vacuum cleaner. I like anything that has lots of attachments and is shiny. You can even change a lightbulb with it! I remember the salesman vacuuming up lots of dirt onto these clean white pads. The letter "K" would shine through the shame of our dirty carpet. I thought that was cool. I asked the salesman if I could buy the attachment that had the "K" on it. He told me that that was only for demonstrations. I then asked him if they made other attachments so that other letters could show through the dirt. How cool would it be to spell out your name in dust bunnies. Our school children could learn the alphabet and find out who has the cleanest house at the same time. But sadly "K" was all that was offered. And it wasn't really offered, just shown.
Three fourths of the way through the presentation, the Kirby salesman made a bold statement. "This motor is so powerful it can even blow up a balloon." Well guess what? I just happened to have some balloons with me. I pulled out some 260 balloons. Those are the standard balloons that almost any balloon twister will be using. I demonstrated by inflating two balloons, one by pump and one by mouth. And then I gave the Kirby salesman a balloon.
He stretched the nozzle on the inflator attachment (oooh attachments) and turned the Kirby on. The lights came on the motor whirred, but the balloon did not inflate. The balloon barely budged. To be perfectly fair to the Kirby, I have not come across any vacuum cleaner that could inflate a 260. You have to use a good quality pump especially made for balloons to be able to achieve those results. The salesman muttered something about the small nozzle and then said that the Kirby could inflate a beach ball. But I wasn't going for that. I guess I could have learned to twist poodles out of beach balls and then I could have deducted the Kirby off of my business taxes. I told the salesman that I would think about it and if they ever made a Kirby that could inflate a balloon to please come back and see me.
But wait .... there is more. One week later I was talking to a friend of mine that was a part time clown. He told me that a Kirby salesman had come to his house and given him a demonstration. My clown friend asked him "Can it inflate a balloon?"
The salesman walked out shaking his head and saying "What is it with these people and balloons?"
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